In the halls of 7 Community Drive in Cheektowaga, NY, love is in the air. It’s the kind of love we all want—an inescapable deep connection where two souls mix and every ounce of life is drenched in joy. Or at least it should be. But for people with disabilities, especially in heavily regulated New York State, this true love is often met with heartbreak.
Meet Kristy. She’s sitting in her wheelchair, with shoulder-length charcoal hair. When asked about her relationship with Matt, a smile creeps across her face as if their love story is her favorite tale to retell, and the long halls of the Day Habilitation program just seem to melt away. “We have the same disabilities, same interests, same dreams,” Kristy says.
This April, the couple will celebrate five years together, and in August, they’ll mark one year of marriage. To the outside world, they may seem like any other happy couple, but beneath this lies a journey shaped by the challenges of untangling the complex web of New York State systems that stand in their way.
Kristy and Matt’s love story didn’t unfold in the classic rom-com way. There was no accidental coffee spill, no bumping into each other at the park. Instead, it started in the middle of a pandemic, behind glowing screens, late-night messages, and a staff member’s intuition that maybe these two were meant to find each other.
For two years, they talked on Facebook, building a connection message by message. Then, finally, they met in person, and it was instant. The spark was undeniable. “Love at first sight,” Kristy says with a knowing smile, Matt agreeing. From that day on, they became each other’s favorite person, the kind of couple who finish each other’s sentences and read each other’s thoughts before the words even leave their lips, what Kristy describes as being “constantly in sync.”
But love, no matter how powerful, can’t always move mountains—or systems. For Kristy and Matt, every date, every outing, every dream they share is dependent on a fragile support network. While other couples plan spontaneous weekend getaways, Kristy and Matt need a team of Direct Support Professionals (DSPs) to make even the simplest outing possible.
“Staffing is the hardest crisis of my relationship,” Kristy admits. “We’d love to go to Niagara Falls for our anniversary, but whether we can go depends on if we can get staff.”
Even their wedding day—a moment most couples dream about—was full of uncertainty. They didn’t know who would take them to the ceremony or who would help with Kristy’s hair and makeup. Separate rides. Last-minute changes. “Everyone kept saying, ‘It’ll all come together,’ but they didn’t understand what it’s like to have to rely on others for everything,” Kristy says.
But none of that mattered once she saw Matt waiting for her at the altar, vows in hand. Filled with love and promises, it felt like every challenge had disappeared in the moment that Matt read his vows aloud. “His vows and how committed he is to me—that was the best part of our wedding,” Kristy says softly.
For now, Tuesdays and Fridays are their favorite days of the week, their sacred moments in a world where time together can be scarce, these are the days they can count on. They order take-out, sit across from each other at the table, hold hands, and savor every second. “The staffing issue has made us love harder,” Matt says. “When we do get to see each other, we cherish it that much more.”
But their challenges go beyond staffing. Kristy and Matt had a beautiful commitment ceremony, but they can’t legally marry without risking the loss of crucial benefits like Supplemental Security Income (SSI). It’s an impossible choice: love or stability. “If we could be legally married, it would mean everything,” Matt says. “It would be a legal document that says we’re committed. That’s all we want.”
The unfairness stings. “It’s okay for everyone else to marry the person they love, but when it comes to us, it feels like we’re being penalized,” Kristy explains. “We just want what other couples have—a legal marriage on paper, and the chance to live in the same home.”
Living together is another dream that’s met with endless obstacles. Matt and Kristy have talked about it continuously, imagining what it would be like to wake up in the same home. But unless the perfect spot opens at the perfect time, it remains just that—a dream.
“There’s so much red tape that just needs to be cut,” Kristy says. Matt nods. “We’ve tried to make it happen so many times, but it seems like there wouldn’t be a way.”
For now, they live in separate homes and rely on technology to bridge the gap. On days they can’t be together, Matt writes Kristy poetry—so much poetry that he jokes he could fill a book. “It’s the little things that get us through,” Kristy says. “He’ll call me and tell me he posted something for me on Facebook or wrote me another poem. It makes all the difference.”
Through every challenge, they’ve built a love that’s stubborn, resilient, and unshakable. But love alone shouldn’t have to bear the weight of broken systems. The staffing crisis and outdated policies aren’t just inconveniences; they are walls built high that make it harder for couples like Kristy and Matt to share the life they deserve together.
“If there were more staff, we would have more opportunities to do normal things—go for coffee, have lunch, just be together,” Matt says.
For couples facing similar barriers, Matt offers a piece of advice: “Don’t let your disabilities stand in the way of your dreams. If you love someone, show them how much.”
This Valentine’s Day, we celebrate Matt and Kristy’s story of love without limits—a love that refuses to be defined by broken systems and circumstance. But, as we celebrate, we also recognize the need for systemic change that would allow this love story, and so many more like it, to exist without barriers.
“Our love transcends the staffing crisis and the universe,” Matt says with quiet confidence. “It’s a love story for the ages.”
If Matt and Kristy’s story inspired you, consider taking action! Contact your local representatives and urge them to address the staffing crisis and advocate for policies that support independence and equality for people with disabilities. Together, we can help remove barriers and create a future where everyone has the opportunity to love without limits!
https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative